floating

[blues from a buffered up email]

in the six weeks since i last read an email i thought i had aged at least 2 years. but after reading the 33 emails (thank you) waiting in my inbox i still feel sad lonely wistful and oh-so-far-away-from-the-world as i chronically did last year after long-awaited internet rendezvous. maybe i'm not as wise as i thought. or maybe sadness is there for the ages. [note: this is not meant to discourage any incubating emails.]

a cyber beginning which belies my previous unsad 6 weeks. which i will tell in summary and in reverse. because i walk backwards these days. and with my eyes closed when forwards.

there's still a petrol shortage here. maybe it went away and came back, i don't know (haven't left town), but it's as strong as ever now. this meant finding a ride into asmara (to attend a vso maths teachers' conference) was a challenge. after hours of walking and waiting, walking and waiting, and taking shelter beneath a shack on the side of the road waiting for a kind driver to give me a lift, i was ready to call it a day and go back home. but shortly thereafter my knight in shining armor drove up in a brand new toyota landcruiser. it was definitely the best catch i've had in eritrea, no riding in the back of a truck amongst a herd of goats ducking tree branches this time around. no no, i rode in style today, sleeping, waking for lunch (paid for by the driver no less), and feeling absurdly pleasant and pleased as we rode up the mountains, cool highlands' breeze blowing in my face.

the last 6 weeks were dominated by ramadan, which was beautiful. i almost felt "one with the people," or something cheesy like that. but maybe it wasn't all cheesy and in my mind: a couple of days ago, while having a drink with a student, a white man walked up to me and asked, "are you eritrean?" and i think he was actually being sincere. maybe the heat had gotten to his head and damaged his perceptions and general orientation.

fasting in 45C temperatures while teaching crowded classrooms full of 80+ rowdy students was slightly uncomfortable at times. on the bright side, i pissed blood (knowingly) only twice. as for unknowingly, i didn't keep track. i also got sick on eid as i stuffed my unpracticed stomach with entirely too much food. but that was part of the masochistic fun that i've come to love so dearly.

admittedly, when i first returned to agordat (in the beginning of october), i considered running away. vaguely. i hadn't yet learned to love the masochistic fun so dearly. but i didn't run. i'm still here. sweating, breathing, living, teaching, loving, learning and generally feeling quite content. at being folded away, far away, forgotten and forgetting. i feel like i'm "riding the waves." this way and that way. i feel like i'm floating.